my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ugly people sure do ruin things
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
