i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
