I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
