Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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