Little spoons don't ask big questions
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
