I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
