Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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