he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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