dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
