This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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