my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
