Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
my liver is dry heaving
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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