I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
