I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
