i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
