Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
