i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
