If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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