I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
