my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
