I just cut my nipple shaving
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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