I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
