FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
