i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
there is glitter all over my balls
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