we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
