After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
