You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I need to wash the frat house off of me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
