no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
