the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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