C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
