Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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