Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
