I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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