If that was your dad, he is hot
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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