I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
