Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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