i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
