somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
