I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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