The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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