My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
did you just send me my own nude
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
