Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
