can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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