Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
