I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
