Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
