You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
