she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
