Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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