Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
