Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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