You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
