Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
