I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
