I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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